How independent women can be in a relationship

My father has always taught us to be independent. He encouraged us; he always reminded us to be a leader not a follower, the head not the tail, to speak up for ourselves, and not to depend on anyone.

His encouragement gave me confidence. I always felt comfortable to speak my mind and share how I was feeling in any setting, and I had no problem standing my ground and having an independent mind. But this mentality always made me believe that I was too independent to be in a relationship.

I used to believe that in order for me to succeed in anything I couldn’t be in a relationship. Or when I was in a relationship I thought my partner needed to work under my schedule and accommodate to my ways—wild, right? I sound like a controlling and unrealistic person!

Another reason why I felt that way was because I was so career-oriented that I believed I had to choose between either lifestyle: free from other commitments than work or held back in life by a relationship. Because of this mentality I was ignorant of how a true healthy relationship worked. While I thought I was being realistic, I was really just being selfish and unloving. I couldn’t believe that my dreams and goals would work in a relationship.

So how can independent women be in a relationship? Honestly, I think they just need to find the right man. Once they find the right man who can love every thing about them, including their dreams and goals, then they’ll know how to work with them through healthy communication. Find someone who can understand you, who can encourage you, and who can motivate you.

The key to a healthy relationship is to have healthy communication. You need to be honest about what you want before you get into a serious relationship. You need to listen to what the other wants. You need to compromise. Compromising really shows that you’re serious about the relationship and that you love one another.

Like I’ve said before, it’s not always about you. But just as true that is for you, it’s also true for the person you’re in a relationship with. Culture paints such a false picture that when you’re in a relationship or when you’re married that you completely lose who you are, that you’re not your own person. I used to believe that lie, but now I have more confidence and feel more as an individual being in a relationship.

You learn new things about yourself when you’re in a relationship because someone is frankly telling you how you are. You see sides of yourself that you didn’t know you had, you explore new feelings you didn’t know you could have, you see how much you can love someone, and you can experience life in a fun and different way.

Lastly, have a relationship with purpose. Instead of dating just to date and messing with another’s feelings, it’s best to know where a relationship is going; otherwise it gets messy. If you’re dating just to date you’re not only just wasting your time, you’re wasting another person’s time and can ultimately hurt them. Even if you don’t stay in a person’s future, you’ll always be in their past.

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Edited April 2021


  1. What a great line: Even if you don’t stay in a person’s future, you’ll always be in their past.



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