Savor the Growth

I announced on my latest newsletter that I will be taking a break from writing on my blog and newsletter to focus on writing my novel. I also shared that I may pop in with a post here and there. I couldn't stay away for too long, haha. 

I miss writing my newsletter, and I miss sharing what's been on my heart. Life lately has been about growing in my self-confidence again. I didn't realize that I had lost it over the years, but I now can feel it growing. I'm hopeful again, and I'm not rushing myself to get 100% better or trying to stretch out the little hope that's grown; I am appreciating the growth and the state I'm in. 

When you start to gain grains of hope when all hope was lost, it may feel like a small part of you is brightening up. It starts small, and that small light brightens up the darkness. All the darkness and heaviness may not be fully gone, but at least it's not all that's there. I have also found it helpful not to think of gaining self-confidence as getting it back. My self-confidence before was based on other things and I was a different person. I am now gaining self-confidence in the person I am today. 

Self-love and self-confidence aren't the same. Self-love is how one takes care of oneself mentally, physically, and emotionally. Self-confidence is how much one can believe in themselves or trust in their capabilities. When you're lacking in self-confidence, you might not even do the things you once loved or even want to try to accomplish certain tasks or requests. Without even bothering to try, you do the bare minimum or things that don't come with such a high expectation.

Basing one's self-confidence on outside acceptance or accolades is futile, and it makes one co-dependent. Then once that hold is broken, and you're left with just yourself, you have to find a way to pick yourself up, process and accept the losses, and move onward. Not trying to hold on to the past, not trying to recreate what you once had, but to behold what is present, what is here now.