Noble Character in the Home

I'm sure, no matter how long you've been married or in a long-term relationship, you can relate to the following events that happened to me after a long day of work: I arrive home and my husband is hungry, I'm hungry, we eat. After enjoying a meal together I discover that the kitchen needs to be cleaned, I clean the kitchen quickly and well. My husband asks for coffee, I want to read and drink tea. I make his coffee and my tea and sit to read. Then, my husband says his coffee is cold and asks for it to be reheated. For a second I get annoyed, resent the question and think "I was almost free from tasks!"

But then I realized: he asked, he was kind, he was not rude, he was showing love. I was about to get rude and unkind by returning a gentle answer with anger (completely backwards from scripture by the way).

After that moment of pausing and reflecting over my husband's question I became so grateful for my husband -- he is so delightful! I kissed his cheek and reheated his coffee for him.

He had no idea I was having an internal battle over his question, but it gets that way for us women. We are complex in our thoughts and emotions and can tie tasks and our feelings together; but it's so important to take the time to process it all. Whether you take the time alone with the Lord to reflect or by sharing about it afterwards with a trusted friend and mentor. 

During the time of reflection you then realize what kind of patterns you are building in your home and in your relationship with your husband. When you're a wife you can't expect to not have certain responsibilities or roles in your marriage and home. You are in a partnership, you and your husband are on the same team and he is on your side -- he made that promise to you when he said his vows. You can't get offended or resentful for having work to do at home (something I have to remind myself daily, it's time to be an adult!).

Getting married means you are saying good-bye to only doing the things you want to do; it's about inviting another person into the equation of your everyday life. We can't compare our single life to our married life, they are not equals. 

In a union there are sacrifices that only help you to grow! You grow in new skills and character traits.  The way my husband sweetly asked for coffee, I can sweetly ask for a cup of tea. Not in a vindictive "I did it for you now do it for me" way but out of kindness and love. It creates a pattern of acts of kindness and brings peace to the atmosphere.

Now, if you're feeling overwhelmed from all the tasks and responsibilities then you have to ask him for help. Do not take on more than you can handle, where you're left burned out and have no energy for anything (including time to enjoy with your husband). Be honest and real with your husband, he cares for you and wants you to be happy and to enjoy life.

A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.
Proverbs 12:4

Fathers can give their sons an inheritance of houses and wealth, but only the Lord can give an understanding wife.
Proverbs 19:14

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1

A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day. Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or trying to hold something with greased hands.
Proverbs 27:15-16


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