My testimony: How God became so real to me

Boy, it is so sweet to see true, true happiness in people. To see true joy and love for life and its moments. Yet for some it's hard to have that. Why do we sometimes struggle to have genuine joy?

We each have a specific passion and want for this world. Ask any person what burdens their heart for this world and life. What is your passion? My true passion, the thing that's so heavy on my heart for people besides them knowing God and how much he loves them, is to have joy.

Joy brings peace.

This is such a big thing for me. For plenty of years I have wasted time in depression and anger. I had a grumpy cloud hanging over my head every. single. day.

I woke up cranky, I set up my day to be irritable, disgruntled, hurting, and hopeless. I accepted that for myself. I wanted to feel the pain. It was a dark and lonely time.

I was hindering the joy that was actually inside of me the whole time, it was just covered up with layers of lies, anguish, depression, doubt, fear, anxiety, confusion, and pain. These feelings weren't revealed to everyone who knew me. I was a roller coaster of emotions. When I would genuinely present myself it was in the moments of joy, wonder, and excitement. I was a silly child who loved to joke around and laugh hard. My childhood photos can always crack a person up. I can't really remember when the switch happened for me to turn to "the dark side" but it felt like I was in it for a long time.

It was a real time for me and something I don't want to forget. I was so lost and confused. But it was where I needed to be in order to see God's light. His light was much brighter and attractive. I knew what he had for me and wanted for me and I was keeping it at a distance. He had peace for me, he had joy for me, and I wasn't letting myself have any of it. When I became aware of what God has for me I thought to myself "what, joy is possible? What is joy?!" hah! I needed a good study of peace and joy.

This is my testimony. This is what made God so much more real for me. I learned the truth of who he says I am and what life is supposed to be like.

We have our own song in our hearts. We all have a song that our hearts can't help but jingle. That's how we were made. When we were woven in our mother's womb by the best artist in all of everything, when we were being fearfully and wonderfully made, we were given gifts, passions, a heart of hearts. It's all already living inside of us when we are born. Our personalities at a young age are just the true us. I was a joyful child, that was my personality. The life I was living then tried to cover it all but when I was directed to the light and truth then it was revealed again.

Life is more than humans roaming the earth. Whether a person lives is not our decision. We have no right to decide that. God creates life, he created us all and continues to create beauties with a purpose. Don't take that away. The world is missing so many people who are supposed to be here.

You know those cute designs with curvy lettering that says "Choose Joy" or "Joy" all over the Pinterest? That's a start. Choosing and accepting to sit in joy is how it all became real to me and I saw how it's possible to be more than OK.

For instance, did you know that it's possible to clean your whole house without being angry or stressed? Did you know that it's possible to wait for the train in peace and joy? It's our choice to have that self-control and self-awareness. It starts with a choice, then it becomes real. 

I was late to an appointment one day and still had to pick up my sister to drop off her car and I was in a terrible mood. I hate to run late and I hate not keeping on schedule. Then out of no where my heart fluttered with joy and I began to laugh. I giggled with joy and felt OK.

Being centered with joy brings peace. Let that set the mood and bring that to the atmosphere. It's a gift and something we need to accept.

When you live with the Holy Spirit it produces this kind of fruit in your life: love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I am just now beginning to truly understand the Holy Spirit and who he is. I want to get to know him if he's going to produce these things in my life because I know it's what I need!

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! You workmanship is marvelous -- how well I know it.
— Psalms 139: 13-14

For  God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-control.
— 2 Timothy 1:7

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
— Romans 15:13


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