The value of vanity

Whenever I actually style my hair or my messy bun is just right my fiancé likes to tousle the front or undo my bun. I used to yell and push his hands away but he'll just laugh and tease me about my reactions.

Now I can expect that he'll reach for my hair to make it frizzier than it already is. I used to yell and get upset but now I just let him have fun because he laughs then I laugh and it's fun for the both of us.

It hit me one day when I used to get upset at him for "messing up my hair" that is my hair really worth it? Is my hair worth the anger I feel or worth the ruining of a moment of joy to turn it into an argument? Is it really worth having him upset and me annoyed? No! It's just hair! I can easily fix my hair but I can't take back my reaction or stop him from feeling hurt.

We often pay attention to how we look, to what people will see and notice at first. We think to ourselves: if the outside looks great maybe that'll distract them from seeing my insecurities. If my hair flows as I walk maybe they'll think I'm graceful instead of a klutz. If I can just fit into a smaller size dress then they'll want to hang out with me. We believe that's all people notice and focus on. We think that's all they see when really that's all we really want to give. We don't want to give of ourselves or open up. We keep things on the surface.

What is vanity worth? Does it hold more value than relationships, truth, peace, love, or justice? Is it the center of most relationships for you? Are things of vanity the only "connection" you have with someone? This fading thing holds no substance. Beauty is fleeting. Do you know yourself past your vanity?

Breaking a person's heart or breaking them down because of vanity is not worth it. Scarring their hearts then teaching them to "cover it up" with more vanity does not heal. It can't hide the pain forever.

The truth comes out, you're left bare and vulnerable.

What do you value more than vanity? Don't forget to notice; see how your vanity can hurt others and yourself.

There are two definitions for vanity. Vanity is "excessive pride in or admiration of one's own appearance or achievements." However, vanity is also "the quality of being worthless or pointless." It's in the meaning of the word itself. Vanity is pointless, it's excessive. It's just pride and self-focus. Because of our self-focus we hurt people and we end up hurting ourselves.

The antonym of vanity is modesty. Modesty is "the quality or state of being unassuming or moderate in the estimation of one's abilities; humility." It's to have a low view of your own importance. It's not about you. Humility is always more admired. 

When you have humility you think of others and that's what we really need. We need to be loved, cared for and cherished. When you open up your heart to love yourself and to love others then others will see it's more important to treat others right than focus on oneself.

Of course, there's nothing bad with wanting to take care of how you look or it's fun to dress up and doll up. What I'm talking about is when that's all you care for, that's all you know about yourself and all that people know about you.

Vanity may hide who you are because you don't like who you are, or you think others won't like what they see. But we're all unique and loved. Be you and be beautiful.

Do not let your adorning be external -- the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear -- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.
 1 Peter 3:3-4

For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."

 1 Samuel 16:7

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.
Philippians 2:3

Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Ephesians 4:2


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