Will it Happen, Though?
I've been hard on my people lately. They don't say what I need to hear or what I want to hear while I process this tough season. I get upset at them and baffle at their response. But they don't know. They don't know what to say, they're not sure how to help, so they try their best.
Something I've become more aware of is this "polite culture" we live in (ever since a friend of mine said this after I shared how I've been resenting others lately), where we say what we think is the right thing to say but they're really just empty words. We say something is going to happen for a person who's been waiting, but we don't really know if it will. We say things will get better, but we don't know when. We can say these things to try to encourage and build hope, but we still need to go through what we're going through to reach the other side.
I just think of it this way: are we saying these things because we truly believe or we want to believe it because we just can't fathom the idea that this could be happening to someone? So we say it's going to pass. Saying these things to brush someone off or to move on to the next subject is one of the worst things you could do. Rushing to say these things before a person can fully express what they're feeling or how they're processing hurts.
"No one can know a person’s thoughts except that person’s own spirit, and no one can know God’s thoughts except God’s own Spirit." 1 Corinthians 2:11
We don't always know.
We get overwhelmed. We're overwhelmed by the news, we're moved with great compassion, we look for a way out of it. We offer distractions, we share other hopeful stories, we grasp at straws; rather than admit that we just don't know.
I was starting to resent others who have told me something will happen and it hasn't happened yet. Don't tell me it's going to happen! I want to say. You don't know. When I shared this with a special person in my life she said to me, "Kathy, it can still happen. It may not look the way you had imagined but it can still be beautiful."
The story is still unfolding. We're all still learning.
I say, just ask. Ask that person, what do you need? Ask that person, how can I help? And be honest, I don't know why. I don't know when.