Stepping into marriage

As I prepared my move to my new home I came across a lot of old baggage. I had gifts from ex-boyfriends, college memorabilia, and a lot of t-shirts. I loathe to pack. Four years of packing, unpacking then packing again for college always felt like a chore. But this time I was packing to move into a whole new place: a new home. This kind of move wasn't going to be temporary. 

Joshua and I married on May 28, 2016, but before we said our I do's I had a week to pack my life into boxes and load our SUV to move on. The four years of packing was just a test run for this move. I knew what needed to be packed first, what could wait to be packed, and what were the absolute essentials. Joshua helped me on the first night of packing and it was of my "junk shelf." I had old journals, books, movies, CDs, and a lot of paper. 

I examined everything to decide whether to pack or toss. The first things I tossed were gifts from the exes. It wasn't hard to toss, it felt good actually. I didn't want to bring past romances into my new home with my husband. I didn't want to fill our new home with the past, this was about our future. 

While we can't change the past we can choose how to handle our future. Each step we take leads us to a certain path. Just like each word we speak out leads to certain conversations or moments.

We hear it all the time to plan ahead, but we don't always plan ahead when it comes to love. We get caught up in our emotions and how we're feeling in that moment. In that moment of flirting or in that moment of passion where we get butterflies for a person for the first time. We don't always date with purpose. When this happens we end up in a destructive relationship. It felt good, it used to be fun, but then you realize how incompatible you are with each other and you start to resent the other person for wasting your time. 

And the cycle continues when you don't date with purpose. As I was tossing old gifts and notes from exes, that I completely forgot I had in my closet to begin with, I rolled my eyes and laughed at the naivety I had. I used to think those relationships meant something, but all of them were just out of pure selfishness. Those relationships couldn't have worked because I was not ready for commitment, I was not ready to submit, I was not ready to make a life-long commitment. During those relationships I was just thinking of having a good time; I was selfish.

I discovered that I have only lived a short life. I am still young, still learning, and still growing. I used to hold on to a lot of things. I used to keep everything even if it meant holding on to what hurts. Not anymore. I now have a new journey and this is a journey that all those things have led to. 

Joshua and I know that we met during the right seasons in each other's lives. If we had met years earlier we most likely wouldn't have liked each other, if we had met years later we would have been different people. We met when we were both looking for more in life. We were both seeking God, we were both setting our lives in place, but we didn't know that we were setting our lives up for each other. I was still in college deciding where I wanted to go in life. He was living on his own already in his career. We were curious people and started as friends. But we couldn't hide the interest in one another. 

I love my past with him, and I am even more in love with our future together. I get to spend now until forever with him. I trust him more than ever before. We made vows to love, cherish, consider, and care for one another in front of people and God. It's a sealed promise. Nothing is more secure than that.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider  myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting  what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.
— Philippians 3: 12-13

A house is built by wisdom and becomes strong through good sense. Through knowledge its rooms are filled with all sorts of precious riches and valuables.
— Proverbs 24: 3-4